


Case #0202507 - Cursed Screenplay

by FireflysWriting



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Good Omens Movie Script (1992), Not Canon Compliant, good omens meta, it's basically just me, not really a crossover, shitscript, the script exists in the TMA 'verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-25
Updated: 2020-01-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:01:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22395199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireflysWriting/pseuds/FireflysWriting
Summary: Statement regarding my experiences with the curse of the Shitscript
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35
Collections: the Good Omens Shitscript Cinematic Universe





	Case #0202507 - Cursed Screenplay

**Author's Note:**

> No idea how this reads to anyone who has not read the script, so...
> 
> Also this was my first attempt ever at writing TMA fanfic and at some point I was like 'You know what, this script is so bad, why am I putting so much effort into that statement'. So I just stopped.  
> I still had so much fun with this though.
> 
> This definitely does not fit into the TMA timeline, I can say at least that much while not finding the nerve to finally listen to the S3 finale.  
> Don't worry, I'll get there at some point.

**Archivist:**  
Statement of Llewelyn Firefly, regarding, what?

**Llewelyn:**  
The most cursed screenplay to ever exist.

**Archivist:**  
Statement taken direct from subject, 25th of July 2020. Statement begins.

**Llewelyn:**  
Okay.

It all started in January I suppose. Good Omens the book had been published way back in 1990 and there had been attempts to turn it into a movie years before the TV show became a thing. There are two movie scripts I am aware of, the one Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman wrote together in 1991 and the one Gaiman wrote on his own a year later.

That second script was the one that once circled around on livejournal before it disappeared off the face of the internet. Several people who were part of the acquisition of one of the 500 printed copies back in January distinctly remember reading it back then, and the possibility of having a collectively owned copy was what drove them to crowdfund to afford another one.

The excitement of also getting to read the script at some point was what got me to donate to it as well. It wasn't much, only 10 dollars, but after only a few hours we had collected enough money to afford the cheapest copy we could find.

The plan was not only to give everyone access to a scanned version, but also that everyone who donated would have the chance to hold it in their hands, so we started planning a shipping route to basically get it sent around the world to everyone. The Sisterhood of the Travelling Shitscript, we called ourselves. Heh. It was a very exciting time for me, because community fandom projects have been and will always be something special.

The symptoms started to show a few days after the person has read through the physical copy as far as I can tell. At least it was so for me. 

Living in Europe, I was one of the last people to get access to it. I am ashamed to admit that I did not notice anything amiss until then. I was aware of the tension that had built in our group and thought that the bad mood had finally rubbed off on me, but no, that was not it.

Reading the book, it was in no way a better experience than reading the scans someone had dug up in the end. Only the notes everyone else had left were a delight to read, though not only were there some really nasty additions to them from people coming later in the chain, I also felt the need to add some rather… hurtful commentary.  
Usually I am not that cruel, but I also had my moments in that direction before, so the only thing that I found truly irritating was that I couldn’t curb that urge like I usually do.  
In the end I am not even sure if my reading of the notes wasn’t somehow tainted by the curse as well.

I decided to send it on to the next person rather sooner than later. That was six weeks ago. All in all, it took maybe a week from when I first read the book for my problems to start.

It was subtle at first, people I’d barely considered friends showing more animosity than usual. I’d always had trouble telling whether someone genuinely liked me or just pretended as not to hurt me too much. I figured I’d just finally pushed them too far, but there are- were some people I would’ve considered true friends.

This wasn’t the first time I’d lost the person I considered to be my best friend, but we were barely teenagers the first time ‘round and many of those I would’ve considered my friends _now_ all knew what that had done to me. So for them to start acting out, calling me boring and useless and whatnot was not only a painful reminder of that time, but also what tipped me off that something was going very, very wrong.

It got worse over time. No one ever outright _said_ that they hated me, but it was always heavily implied. Yet, they made no effort to stay away from me, usually continuing our usual activities, but with a lot more name-calling and ganging up on me.

My family- well, I never had the best of relationships with them to begin with, but when I went home last week, even they managed to get worse.

In the end, I decided to cut everyone from my life. I have no one left, neither my blood- nor my chosen family and I have no hope that any new relationship I try to build won’t end this way as well. I am... completely alone.

The reason I think it was the book that did this? The relationship between the two fan-favourite characters, which is very wholesome and supporting in the book was the worst thing about the script. The character Crowley went from loving Aziraphale to name-calling him, telling him he’d be better off without him, but, much like my situation, never made any effort to actually stay away, just continued to abuse him.

I don’t have much hope that the others who read that script have fared much better.  
There are only two people left from our group that I don’t loathe yet. They refuse to listen to any of my warnings and I have no contact info I could give you, only their Discord names.

Can you believe we had plans to gift it to a library after we were done with it?  
I have no idea how far this curse reaches, but, if you don’t hate me already, please get that book out of the public.

**Archivist:**  
That’s it?

**Llewelyn:**  
Yeah, that’s all I can think of right now.

**Archivist:**  
Hm. We will look into it. This book should not remain in public hands, so we will do our best to find it.

* * *

**Archivist:**  
Follow-up on this had us chase quite a few dead ends. The facts given were all correct, and the script does exist. Martin coincidentally was a big fan of the Good Omens series, so he volunteered to read both the book and a scan of the script. Since the effect seemed only to come from that one specific copy, I didn’t see the harm in it. He agreed that the script was indeed a very twisted version of the original story.

I talked to the Firefly family. Let's just say their parents had nothing favourable to say about them. Their brother seemed rather pained about the whole thing though.

Contacting others from the fan group had been... difficult. Firefly provided us with the Discord names of all who had still been on the server, but natural wariness of internet strangers had ended in very few actual results.  
The two not yet under the influence of the script outright refused to talk to us. The head of the script exchange, one Allegra Rosenberg, did however corroborate Firefly's statement and agreed to give us the addresses of people she had, but could only provide us with the US addresses though. She was also unable to give us any contact info on the previous owner, so that was a dead end as well.

The book is too young to have been in the care of Jurgen Leitner, being released in 2004, however there is no denying that it seems to be an instrument of the Lonely. Or perhaps even of the Stranger. Our chances of taking it into our care so far are very slim, but Tim says he has one last trail to follow. I’m not holding out any hope though.

Why was it only this one specific copy that had such an effect?

...

Recording ends.

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot believe my third fic ever is this :D


End file.
